naughtypriss16 on Xanga

Weblog

Tuesday, 06 July 2010

The year sums up and I want to be renewed.

So, I think it's about time I get back on track.

Back on track with my life. With my goals. With my priorities.

Ultimately, back on track with my best friend Jesus.

This year has made me realize the dull pain that so many people in the world are feeling as they live their lives day-to-day not fully content, longing for something but not knowing what.

I have never felt this before in my life. Ever. It was shocking. It crept up on me so slowly. I didn't even see it 'til it hit me. But I suppose that's how most things go.

I knew I had begun to wander away from my strength and joy, from God. And yet I couldn't seem to figure out how to get back to Him.

The other day at Church, Pastor Judah spoke about no longer reacting to the world around us, but responding to God. and then, of course, I had an epiphany. This past year all I had been doing was reacting to the world around me. I lost sight of the fact that I may be in the world, but am definitely not OF the world.

I was constantly reacting to finances, to school, to work, to my relationships with friends and my boyfriend. At some point I became bogged down and nearly suffocated by worldly issues that God has been taking care of for me my entire life. For who knows WHAT reason, I thought that I was my own strength. I was my own wisdom and righteousness.

There is a joy that comes from God's grace upon us. There is a freedom in relying on our Savior.

I resolve to lean on Jesus as my stronghold because I cannot do it alone.

I've also decided that even in my walk with my Best Friend I need guidance and counsel. As I slowly get older, little by little I am seeing now that my pride only hurts me. I need others. Particularly those who are wiser than I am who have gotten through struggles in their own walks that I have yet to overcome. It's hard to admit that I need help. Really, really hard. But humility will only make my relationship with Jesus stronger.

I think I need good Christian fellowship also because sometimes I just need reminders when I start to get distracted by life. Because I'm not living life for life's sake. It shouldn't be controlling my decisions, my thoughts, my well-being.

I can do this. It will be a new season of life for me.

Sunday, 05 October 2008

Life.

This is my first entry since I've arrived at UW. It's funny how I've already gotten so used to being here, I feel like I've been here nearly forever.

I live in Haggett, north tower, room 306 on an international community floor.
My roommate's name is Tina and she's Taiwanese.
I have Anthropology 101 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Issues and Influences in Contemporary Art 120 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and Japanese 111 everyday except the weekend of course.
My TA for Art 120, as well as my FIG leader, is Korean.
There are millions of Koreans on campus. I get a headache everyday when I pass by.
I should stop hating on FOBs. But I hate that they stare.
Everyone thinks I'm a FOB too though, because of my hair.

I still feel lazy, but at least my brain has begun to function again.
Freshmen 15 better stay the eff away from me since I walk back and forth from Haggett to Terry a million times a day.
Albert's roommate substitutes for my parents =_= so my mom doesn't need to worry.
It's boring when Jena isn't around because she's so effing shikkeuruhwuh that it's incredibly obvious when she's gone.
Kevin is way more immature than I thought he was ahaha, but it's ok. It's funny.

White frats are hella boring.
Japanese isn't as interesting or as fun as I thought it would be. I'm already bored. My Japanese teacher is hilarious though. Not because she's actually humorous, but because she's so all-over-the-place all the time and seems not-together. Morita Sensei is an interesting individual.
I want to find a good church to attend with depth, with soul, with spirit. I want to find a place with good people who are intelligent. As horrible as it sounds to make intellect a decisive point, it matters. If you aren't intelligent enough to interpret and communicate and discuss the word of God, I don't want to waste my time just throwing back at each other confirmations of our faith.

It's kind of sad how quickly groups form though. Even though I've met many new people, I don't spend that much time with them. Everyone's already put themselves into a clique. I realized cliques aren't just characteristic of high school. They're characteristic of society.
Contemporary Art is really gratifying. My views and understanding of art has exponentially expanded even within simply two weeks. Though many things we discuss have previously crossed my mind, bringing them to the surface has allowed me to re-evaluate the purpose and reasoning, or even if there is reasoning, for and of art. It's also reaffirmed in me why I choose to continue and pursue this path.

I miss Vancouver, surprisingly. I definitely enjoy being here, but I would like to be reunited with my kitchen and umma's banchan. I would like to reconnect with my plush bed, in my room all to myself. I want to sit in my camry and drive again.
It's a bit strange, but being in college actually sort of disconnects you from the world.
I don't watch the news any more because I neither have a TV in the room, nor the free time to do so.
I check bbcnews.com rarely compared to how often I did before when I was at home.
My world has shrunk into this campus. It's odd.
This isn't to say the University of Washington hasn't offered me vast amounts of opportunities.
But I'm also tired.
I want to start creating again. I want to produce art. I want something to originate from within me.
I need to read. Real literature please.

That's about it.

Tuesday, 09 September 2008

Kpop Boyband Bombardment

no one might read this. but that's fine. this is for my own well-being, i must let this out.

Ok. So I'm a pretty big KPop fan if it involves the industry actually pumpin out some good music and good artists to make em.

But holy eff people, what is with the GAJILLION boybands sproutin outta the ground like weeds?!

I won't deny some of the mainstream boybands are alright, or at least appealing in one way or another like Big Bang, DBSK, 2AM, AST'1, Shinee etc. Even though some of them are fairly new, they've obviously established large fanbases for good reason.

At least the type of music they're producing and the styles they take on fit the members.

What the hell are all these random new debut groups like U-Kiss? wtfawk. I am utterly disgusted. They can't sing, rap, nor dance and half the members are re-used from a past failure of a boyband. There's some music industry kaching gone down the toilet for sure.

and holy frick. Smash? You've gotta be kidding me. The oldest member is freakin almost 28. the youngest is yet to be 17. There's basically an eleven year age gap between members n you call this an idol group? Gross. the ones that can dance can't even sing, and vice versa.

Here's a total enigma for you. Debut group DNT. Apparently half ballad, half dance? Sure it sounds alright in theory, but their single is LITERALLY cut into two halves of shit. It begins with this intense ballad, which was badly sung in any case, and then halfway this heavy beat just decides to blow into action and turn the whole scene into hiphop/break 101. The idiot who spits what little verse he knows in the second half looks more like he popped outta a gothic/punk anime rather than a rap video. He's pretty much halfway to anorexia as well. I have to admit, the beat isn't too bad. I suggest someone rip it from the song and make some real hiphop/dance music please.

My eyeballs burned out of their sockets and melted into the floor when i attempted to watch these boybands various music videos. i'm ashamed to be Korean when there are little boys trying out the hiphop style while they sing ballads in their prepubescent voices and then to make it worse, guys who are nearing the age of all that is AJUSSHI flail around in desperation to be all that is youthful and IDOL.

i am completely, thoroughly, sickened.

KPop legends and oldtimers, we welcome you back to the music scene. Save us from the immense ddong pile of boybands inevitable for failure.

Special Note: Ya'll should be excited cuz Seo Taiji is back in the housseeee. yayuhh. that's what I'm talkin bout.

Thursday, 14 August 2008

i am SO ready for school to start.

i have never in my life thought i would ever say such a statement, but =_= gahhhh this break is killing me. it's too long. i'm rotting in boredom. and all the fun memories of things i've done this summer seem so far away lol

구준엽 from that old korean techno duo Clon is now DJ Koo. hahaha and i can't stop listening to the new song Let Me ft. Hana.

the slow dissipation of my sanity is driving me more insane. if that's possible.

how sadddd. the process of losing my sanity causes me to lose more. =_= if that even makes sense.

so. i'm switching dorms to make things easier and happier for my roommate who wanted to live with her best friend. but the process is actually a bit more nerve-wracking than i thought it would be, mostly because i'm not sure the girl i'm switching with lives in the same building. =_= i dont wanna move buildings.

sad.

this is a rambly post. hardly intelligent or witty, and lacking any elements of good style to make up for nothing to say.

ok i'm done.

Sunday, 27 July 2008

apparently.

so. i apparently wrote myself a private blog entry a little over a month ago. same goes for my last public entry. and i havent checked back on xanga til today.

lookin at the two, i'm incredibly disappointed in myself.

it seems already in between those entries and this one, i've changed. maybe not wholly, maybe not even at all. but i've wandered off into a personality i don't wanna have. and yet can't let go of at the same time.

why must there always be a struggle? sadly i kno the answer is simply this:

i'm not a strong enough person to choose what is right, what is good, what is necessary, over what i want, what is fun, what will last only momentarily.

i wish i could fall asleep and wake up finding that it's still only june and i'm still motivated and have a good long to-do list of important things i need to and want to deal with this summer.

but i can't. i think what's worse is as much as i am disappointed i have not grown into the better person i saw myself becoming, i don't regret the choices i've made completely.

how sick. how disgusting. hypocrisy is smothering me. can't breathe because of it. but can't seem to live without it.

i hate that people find pleasure in pursuing shallow, selfish, momentary and transient things.

but i'm one of those people.

i'm ranting.

i just happened to be inspired and induced to be self-reflective by another person's entry.

funny how i was given the chance, the opportunity to grow this summer. i was given true freedom. not the freedom to think i'm doing whatever i want to or to be constantly influenced by people who i think are friends.

the freedom to trust purely what i know is right without having to choose between truth and just having fun.

i should have chosen God, my Best Friend.

instead. i chose people i don't even really know.

shit.